Like I said in my previous post, I was considered ugly by most my peers.  Having moles on my face doesn’t help when this makes you the only kid that looks different in a school that is 99.8% white bred.  I’d moved their in first grade and was still relearning how to talk, so I got called retard a lot.  When I overcame that with the help of speech therapy, it was already to late and just more socially acceptable to move onto the next insult, which was ugly and gay.

The curse of being ugly was horrible to me but the curse of beauty was far worse, I’d learn.  By high school I was able to see that their would be a social world for me past them.  The other grades inter mixed in our classes, lunch, etc, didn’t treat me at all the same way they did.  So while still technically an outcast to a major degree with them, the other grades had no problems accepting me.  With the exception of my own lacking social skills at that point.  But I was also pretty mature at that point, and I think that helped a lot.  Making the transition from ugly to attractive was difficult.  I thought it was hard being ugly, but when beautiful people except you or think you’re one of them, it’s worse.  I couldn’t relate, these were the types of people that were beautiful and socially acceptable their whole lives, they were used to being pandered to and getting what they wanted, even amongst their peers.  So when these new people tried to mesh with me, thinking I was on their level, it became very clear very quickly that I wasn’t one of them.  Likewise, I couldn’t stand them, they’d act like they were spoiled and deserved something they didn’t earn.  Worst were the ones that were still immature.  The throw backs that would be endlessly cruel.  Though by the end of high school, I think it was worse for them, as everyone else mostly did become mature and moved on without them.  They became the big losers of society, it seemed.  No one liked them and they fell from such high pedestals they’d sat themselves on.

Still, some remain on those pedestals to this day.  Born to families of privilege or with money, or connections, I’d fear going to my ten year anniversary if I wasn’t so sure I wouldn’t be going to it at all.  I was being pestered recently that it was coming up, but I already know no one can make me go and I’ll likely never go to one in my life.  I hate those people!  Even my so called friends axed me from that grade as soon as they could.  They don’t even have the guts to say shit to my face the few times I’ve seen them since then.  They know they fucked up, but their to spineless to apologize or confront me on it either way.  I know one did try, but I know better people than them now and wouldn’t go back to them or that class unless it was to tell them off.  And even that’s not worth much to me, I’d rather forget they ever existed to begin with.  It’s a far better fate for most of them…